art project

I'm starting a new art project. And I'm a little terrified.

I keep wanting to stay up later and later. Once the time is finally melted into mine, I can't stop wanting to make things, create things, write them down, think about it. I love it.

An arm bursts through the wall next to me with a flower in its fist. I don't have long to look before I recognize the bloom. It's an anxiety flower. I pick off a petal and it reads, what if you run out of inspiration? Another says, what if you're not like this forever? A third, what if this idea doesn't work?

I ignore the fist, the flower. I pray through the sound of my clacking keyboard. God, this inspiration comes from you, keep me close.

I'm starting a new art project. All new material. A senior show. December 2.

I keep wanting to stay up later to think about art. About God.

I'm writing to remind myself that projects are worth pursuing. Hearts are worth leaving open to others.

I was touched four times tonight at the prompt "touch someone artistic." I've got to stop thinking that people aren't paying attention. But I've got to stop paying so much attention to the attention.

Is vulnerability a scary way to live? To love? I don't think so, not anymore.

Walls up so no one gets hurt, to me, sounds more like a crumbling fortress. The orcs start to hurl rocks, they throw a bomb in the open water gully. The walls break. Someone gets hurt.

Giving away pieces of my heart like watermelon after a church service sounds better to me.

It seems untraditional. Does anyone else feel this way?

The more I leave my heart on the line, the more I want to create.

I pray again through the fingertips flying over this keyboard, would You tell me I need to be careful? hidden? hesitant? guarded?

sometimes, the response.

I'm starting a new art project. Their faces light up when I ask them if they want to be part of it.

I like living here. It's for an art project. The best excuse and enabler ever invented.

I'm watching them now. I'm watching and writing and listening and thinking and photographing and sketching and hating and redoing and videoing and conceptualizing and wondering and doodling and processing and applying and articulating and appreciating and