easy breezy cheesy dinner for three (and a half)

Are you looking for a challenge? Have few but oddly specific ingredients in your kitchen? Feel like you always run out of everything? This recipe is for you.

pictured: the smiling faces of two idyllic dinner guests

Ingredients:

3 Snowman Style Carrots

2/5 of a cucumber

1 yellow bell pepper

3 sheets sushi nori, cut into pieces

Everything left in a bag of Jasmine Rice

Fusia Asian Inspirations Traditionally Brewed Reduced Sodium Soy Sauce

For The Egg Brick:

2 three week old eggs

2 tbsp Great Value Bleached Flour

2 tbsp sugar

For the Sauce:

1 packet Five Guys Mayo

1 packet Taco Bell Mild sauce*

For the Other Sauce:

1 packet of Chick-Fil-A sauce

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Prepare the water for the rice and measure the rice into the wet measuring cup.

2. Knock over the rice cup while reaching for the carrots. Retreat to the bedroom for a few minutes and change your sweater if you need to calm down.

3. Peel 3 carrots. Do not peel the 2/5 cucumber.

4. Begin Egg Brick: crack one rotten egg and hold it over the sink, immobilized.

5. Get someone else to line the trash bin and throw away the egg.

6. Crack 2 un-rotten eggs into cereal bowl.

7. Add dry ingredients for egg brick mixture.

8. Chop carrots into slices by hitting the back of the knife abruptly like a Bop-It.

9. Vigorously whisk egg brick mixture.

10. Cut up the sushi nori into pieces that measure approximately the dimensions of the inside of the Chick-Fil-A sauce packet.

11. Cut up the 2/5 unpeeled cucumber.

12. Set the table.

13. Go back to step 9 and remember to heat up some oil in a small frying pan. Pour egg brick mixture into pan.

14. Dump the rice into the boiling water. Notice how little is left in the bag and dump that in too.

15. Cut up the bell pepper.

16. Flip the egg brick mixture in the pan. Notice how it fluffs up from mixture to brick.

17. Remove the brick from the pan and cut it into small square pieces with a butter knife.

18. Wait for the rice. Test it a few times.

19. While you are waiting you can put cucumber on your eyes to relax.

20. Take the rice off the stove and begin attempting to eat.

pictured: cucumber relaxation

Extra Ingredients

Sauce reinforcement

1 heaping tbsp Hellmann's Vegan Mayo

1 packet Taco Bell Mild sauce*

Egg Brick Reinforcement: see above

Cucumber Reinforcement

Cut 2/5 more of the unpeeled cucumber

Tips

1. Make sure to mix the sauce on a tea saucer.

2. You may try assembling your Sushi Stacks on a tea saucer as well.

3. Cook the rice last so your guests will become mildly hangry.

4. Take your time appreciating how the Egg Brick fluffs up. Oohs and Aahs are appropriate here.

5. Meal is best eaten while sitting on the floor around a triangular coffee table.

6. Best served with a Covid-positive friend in attendance. He or she can sit at the triangle side of the triangle shaped table and hide behind the pot of rice.

pictured: triangle shaped table awaits rice

*Taco Bell Sauce Packets should say "It's A Secret" if possible.

pictured: cucumber casualty