free-fall

none of us seem to exist anymore

we all live

inrelationtoeachother

too much, not enough

too much, not enough

I tell you my struggles

and you tell me not to panic,

don't freak out,

everything will work itself out

I nod

but my heart doesn't believe you

next week I regurgitate your words

to someone else's problem

none of us are

beautiful or

talented or

free

we all exist

inrelationtoeachother

too much, not enough

too much, not enough

he told me how he falls in love:

never tries to.

I picture him climbing to a rooftop

raising his arms up, slowly

and leaning backwards

into free-fall

I picture living like this and

all I can taste is the wind,

lifting my arms to my sides

my body fading into a gradient

forehead first,

taken by gravity

in a world

where I have infinite choices

I realize I never wanted freedom less

I never wanted control,

I only ever wanted to fall.

none of us seem to exist anymore

certainly not me, when I

abandon the things that make me

too much, not enough

too much, not enough

and fall out into the unknown

my back is to the waves

four words on my lips

jesus I trust you