I feel beautiful when

a few months ago, I asked a handful of friends when they felt beautiful. these were the responses.

I feel beautiful when I finish a yoga flow and can feel my heart beating and lungs breathing in the final resting pose.

I feel beautiful when I let my natural waves take over my hair.

I feel beautiful when I can empathize with and validate my loved one’s experiences and feelings.

I feel beautiful when I am teaching sometimes. It makes my heart feel like a whole orchestra. Teaching has made me understand the phrase, “my heart sings.”

I feel beautiful when I talk about linguistics.

I feel beautiful when I explain the gospel of Jesus being king.

I feel beautiful when I’m having a good natured debate about the church/Jesus/theology.

I feel beautiful when my dad gives me hugs.

I feel beautiful when I speak Spanish well.

I feel beautiful when I recite lyrics or verses.

I feel beautiful every time I go into a Catholic church for some reason.

I feel beautiful when I look at impressionist art in an art gallery.

I feel beautiful when I am strong, holding a yoga pose foreign to my body

and when I am on my knees before the altar, worshipping a living God

and when my hair is golden in the sunlight

as I bike freely without needing handlebars

and when my cheeks blush rose as the cold air tightens my skin and I glow

and when I paint my eyes, and nose, and cheeks with glitter as if I want to shine

and when my favorite pair of earrings adorn my face

and accentuate every movement.

I feel beautiful when I feel known, seen, loved

and alongside other beautiful women

around a beautiful feast as our bellies overflow with laughter.

and when the moon casts my shadow

and when lake water caresses my skin

and when my hands dance.

I feel beautiful when I’m cooking and praying and dancing to classical music that intrinsically worships its creator.

I feel beautiful when I look in the mirror sometimes too, but it is a little different.

I want to feel beauty like a stretch, like when someone wakes me up and my voice is very high pitched and polite.

I feel beautiful when I feel clean, but also when I feel messy.

I feel beautiful when my mind is clear.

I feel beautiful when I wear my natural skin.

I feel beautiful wearing my blue lace veil in Mass whilst singing the Lord's prayer.

I feel beautiful whilst wearing my vintage hat then meeting a stranger and making them smile, laugh, and feel absolute joy!

I feel beautiful when I’m singing in the scalding hot water in my shower and washing my hair.

I feel beautiful when deciding what clothes to wear in morning as the birds sing and the sunlight creeps through the blinds in my room.

I feel beautiful in side glances in the mirror or reflections when I am painting at a certain perspective.

I feel beautiful when I am in nature looking up at the trees and animals around me.

I feel beautiful when I am worshipping and feeling the love of the spirit as well as when I pray.

I feel beautiful when I am bubbly or light up.

I feel beautiful throughout the day when I see my reflection that isn’t super clear, just in the window or mirror when I am walking and listening to music like I am in a different world.

the other day mariah and I were talking about if beauty is still beauty if no one is there to appreciate it. I keep thinking about this: what is beauty? Isn't it somehow more beautiful if that beauty is a secret between God and I? how is my dress, my makeup, my movement, my face--how are these beautiful to Jesus? I keep asking these questions when I wake up and get ready for the day, thinking

may this meditation be sweet to You.