slowness/self-control/surrender šŖ
on the nature of slowness | june first
patience is not the completeness of what I am trying to describe.
I speak of slowness.
slower than the slowest setting on the windshield wipers when it is pouring--
even that is too fast.
slowness like a river.
a waterfall, even.
thunder as it may, it is restrained.
flowing as it does, the river is sure.
steady.
still, but never still.
slow second by slow second,
in imitation of everlasting, even as God is.
paced, meted slowness.
forgiving over and over and over again.
always giving but never giving way.
slowness like an ache.
even so, Lord, quickly come.
what is slowness?
slowness is tasting every bite of food, even when I want to rush.
slowness is savoring the meals that my labor pays for, and closing my eyes to taste it better.
slowness is considerate, grace-laden driving.
slowness is cleaning each dish after it is used.
slowness is prayer in the waking morning hours, even when I do not wake up with others in mind.
slowness is waiting carefully for a sprain to heal.
slowness is writing without wanting anyone else to read it.
slowness is using a cutting board instead of paring the cucumber in my hand or cutting it on the counter.
slowness is understanding that money, time, and distance are only metrics of this earth.
slowness is a quieted soul.
slowness is it is well.
on the nature of self-control | june first
hot-cold
hot-cold
hot
cold
hot comes quickly.
cold asks me to wait.
to wait,
to wait,
to wait,
to wait,
to wait,
to wait,
to wait.
meekness. strength under power.
Jesus spent forty days and nights in the wild.
hot-cold
hot-cold
hot
cold
I do not speak of coldness
like it is distance--
He didn't speak with distant coldness
when He told the devil off.
He spoke with a living heart,
an immediate closeness--
with the coldness that cools a pie
before the children can eat:
with love,
not scathing heat.
what is self-control?
self control is eating meals when I would rather snack or go without.
self-control is choosing to stretch every morning.
self-control is setting aside time for meditation.
self-control is passion under restraint.
self-control is pausing to evaluate before proceeding.
self-control is getting enough sleep even when I want to stay up.
self-control is sustained goodness.
self-control is driving slowly in a storm.
self control is setting rules that will liberate.
self-control is intentional stillness.
self-control is pursuing honesty, even if it is hard.
self-control is focused, earnest, sincere prayer.
on the nature of surrender | june first
my battle currency is wanting--
these are the wars I fight:
I do not know how to want what I ought.
how do I juxtapose what I think I want
with eternity?
does it not eclipse me?
it isn't giving up,
it isn't about weakness.
the fact is that I am strong,
stronger than I know.
it is about taking that strength
and laying all my weaponry on the table
in the presence of my king.
a david, I resist the armor.
the stone is my heart,
the slingshot is my mind,
and neither of them are mine.
these are the wars I fight:
I do not know how to want what I ought.
I lay down my weapons, small as they are.
I am no warrior.
I am a servant,
a disciple,
an abider,
an adorer,
a lover,
a child.
I am one who surrenders.
what is surrender?
surrender is knowing that what I think about the most isn't always the most important thing.
surrender is letting myself be rearranged.
surrender is allowing my thoughts to belong to others.
surrender is wise council from friends.
surrender is refusing to compare my timeline with someone else.
surrender is accepting that I may be wrong in any circumstance.
surrender is listening when I want to speak.
surrender is desiring to know the full truth and not just what I feel now.
surrender is accepting the new pressures of adulthood without complaining.
surrender is laying down my questions in the presence of God, and leaving them there.
surrender is knowing they may never be answered.
related: faithfulnes/forgiveness/freedom
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